I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
