I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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