Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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