Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
