i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
