if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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