I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
