i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
