i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
