Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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