two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
This is the high leading the old right now
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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