You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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