its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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