We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
