i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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