He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
