i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
