How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
