he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
