Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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