The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
