Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
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I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
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You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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