We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
sex in a hospital.. check
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
