It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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