I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she told me i tasted like america
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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