DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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