Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
