the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
They are going to name an STD after you.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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