I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
