I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
