Your tits are I can't wait for
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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