LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
