is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
