The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
