Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
