My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
