we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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