also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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