This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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