It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
