I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I faked an abortion last night.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The adults are the big ones right?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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