I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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