Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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