so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
