Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
