Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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