my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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