i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
