Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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