I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
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