i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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