Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Randomize
