Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Randomize
