highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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