Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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