Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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