escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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