Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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