the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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