So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
