absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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