Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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