Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
