Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
