I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
