so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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