hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
