i just sent this text using only my big toe
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
