So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
