mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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