She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
