I need help removing her.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
