Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
